(Another) Man-Eating Tarantula

What is it with me and spiders????

So I have a test on Monday, and I'm at my house studying fervently attempting to study being scared because I'm by myself (what a big baby) studying fervently (no, seriously!).

My eyes are heavy, and I'm pretty tired.  I notice something moving across the floor (or so I think--John has been watching a lot of scary movies lately, which leads to me seeing lots of things moving, especially when I'm home alone and it's dark outside).

The next song comes on my computer...  What is Love by Haddaway...  I decide that I must be seeing ghosts.  So I continue to study.

Until something moves again.

What is love?  Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more...

So I get brave and decide to move my computer to really get a look at what is moving across the way (surely I'm not hallucinating, right??).

Holy canoli batman.

Now let me tell you that this picture is deceptive.

No, no, it was truly as big as you think it is.

But I was not that close.  I only attempted to take a picture in case it killed me in the war of Jade vs. Giant Man-Eating Tarantula Part II.  But I zoomed all the way in on my phone.

I figured if I was dead when John got home, someone would think to check my phone, right?

Anyway, nobody else is home, so I make a decision.

I must go to war.  At this point, it's me or the spider.  One of us has got to go (and right now, it's about a 50-50 shot).  I can't risk the spider running away or hiding before John gets home, so I step up to the plate.

Batter up.

Now let me stop and allow you to ponder what's the worst that could happen.

I'll answer by saying that I'm still alive, so it wasn't that.

So now think about what's the next worst thing that can happen?

Cause it did.

My heart is racing, my blood pressure (I almost abbreviated it BP, but then I realized that non-masochistic normal people (read: non-med school students) may be reading this and perhaps I should keep the acronyms down to a minimum) is through the roof, my mouth is dry, and I've broken out in a disgusting sweat at this point.

Here it goes.  All or nothing.  Do it or DIE!

I swing my shoe with a force that you wouldn't believe.  I was Babe Ruth at my last at-bat.

WHAMMO!

Now scroll back up and look at that picture.

Don't worry, I'll wait.

Did you see what the spider is next to?  Yes, that would be a vent.

Once the dust settles and the damage is done, I lift up my shoe (yes, I dropped it like a little scaredy cat) to check the bottom for dead spider guts.  None there.

Yes, my friends, the spider has escaped down the vent.  I can only hope that I did enough damage to fatally wound it and it never, ever, ever getting back together (WHAT??) comes out of the vent.

As for me, you can reach me at my mom and dad's for now.